I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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