Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
