how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
