Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
