he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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