So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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