haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
