just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
