I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
