I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
