Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
