I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
porn star boner night. come get it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
