I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
