I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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