I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
