i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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