ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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