I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
