Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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