Screwed.edu
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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