Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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