My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
