his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
