There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
