if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
