In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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