How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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