Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
