i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
