OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
