Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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