whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
