When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
