In the future we'll all be gay
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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