They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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