They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
