Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
