Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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