Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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