let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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