Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
