I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
