we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
