So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
