This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
