u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
