Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
