I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
