I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
