you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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