So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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