that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
