It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
