Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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