A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
