I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
