If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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