Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
