you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
