I think my fart just growled at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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