the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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