Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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