just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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