I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
